As I sat down in front of him yesterday, hot tears swelled in my eyes. My heart was as heavy as his closed eyelids. This is the man that once carried me in his arms, sent me to school, bought me my favorite food and dealt with my relentless tantrum. Ayah.
It occurred to me that life is so short and it might end, while you’re still breathing.
Ayah had his recurrent stroke attack and this time around, it’s cerebellar stroke. As many might have read through my brother insta post, it occurred after his booster dose, mind my word, I said ‘after’ not ‘due to’. Ayah was already partially bed bound due to his previous stroke attack, his physical movement was limited, but he could walk with assistance, and the least sit by himself. After the shot, he had an episode of vomiting, hospitalized and things got a little worst thence. We believe it was a bit of both, AEFI and his underlying health conditions. He is now bedridden and eating through a feeding tube. Pray to Allah that his condition would improve and we could at least see him open his eyes and eat properly again.
Anyway, this writing isn’t about AEFI, I leave that to KKM. This piece of note is mostly for myself and for whoever has the time to read a senseless rant of a melancholic daughter, this is to remind us that the meaning of life is not measured by the number of years you live but the deeds you do that give meaning, to you and others.
Our time is limited. We ought to live, and not wait. Idleness is wasteful. We need to keep being active in life, move around, make changes, hug the love ones, tell them how much you love them, give without looking back, make memories. Be kind, be kind to everyone because kindness will reciprocate in the way you had never imagined. Be prudent with money, but not stingy. Spend on the things or travels that make you happy. Buy gifts, it doubles up happiness. Sleep less (not deprived), because one day, maybe all you could do is sleep. Dream but don’t live in it, instead dare, go out and chase it. Start doing the things that you wanted to do before its too late. Sometimes its worth it to act on the adrenaline rush, with cautions of course. It’s a bit of a conundrum but yes, life is a conundrum. Do good deeds weather it solves the puzzles or not. Do good.
Also, and very importantly, do not neglect our health. Health is wealth, and it has its debit and credit. For most of us, we were blessed with a good health, a good credit score when we were young which we often take for granted. We ate all that we desired, devoured on sugar, fat and whatnots, those are like taking loans, and as time goes by, they give us a bad credit score. Recovering from a bad debt wasn’t easy, and for some of us, they never recover. Our body is indeed was given to us as a trust by Allah and we should take good care of it. Self-care or self-love does not equate to being selfish. Eat healthy and exercise regularly, not only to lose weight but to stay fit, so much so that when we get to a point when we’ve got nothing more to give or take from this world, we could still stand firm in our prayer. As a matter of fact, that’s all we should be hoping for when we are old and grey. What a blessing to be able to perform ibadah properly until our last breath. It’s true, no one knows what tomorrow has in stores for them, we could strive but still get bad results, that would be a test. But we should always think good thoughts of Allah, right? In fact, Allah Almighty says “I am as My servants expects of Me. If he thinks good of Me, he will have it. If he thinks evil of Me, he will have it.”
Once in a while, Allah will send us a reminder to realign and reevaluate our life, and I take this unpleasant moment of looking at my dad lying immobile in bed as one of it. Allahu musta’an.
Asriah,
18/01/2022,
Kangar
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